Whether the family you’ve been chatting with has had an au pair or not, someone has probably looked after their children or helped them at home before. Avoid falling into the trap of looking at yourself as the “applicant” for an au pair position-au pairs and families are applying to each other-and take the liberty of asking for a reference.
A previous au pair is always the best option. S/he can share his or her favourite activities with the kids, offer support year round (I’m Facebook friends with a chain of my first family’s past-and-present au pairs) and offer suggestions for the best language courses or hangouts. They can also give you a candid picture of what to expect.
As long as the au pair doesn’t have anything overwhelmingly negative or ominous to say, you can be sure that the family fits the criteria of a “good” host family. My criteria for an adequate family would be:
- Understands the purpose of having an au pair
- Sticks to the legal guidelines of their country’s programme
- Doesn’t overload on housework
- Is comfortable having a young adult living in their home
Keep in mind that out-going au pairs will often feel a deep sense of gratitude towards their host families and won’t paint them in a bad light, providing that they didn’t repeatedly fail to meet minimum expectations. However, every family has challenges. S/he is probably going to let you know what these challenges are in a more subtle manner, hoping that you’ll read between the lines. While s/he will highlight the family’s strengths, check to see if anything very important to you isn’t mentioned and ask for additional detail.
Sometimes, a family will get you in touch with an au pair who isn’t their most recent. Should this be the case, be sure to ask why. The story of au pairs who left early or weren’t successful can reveal a family’s additional expectations. They may say something like, “She was always on her phone” and “She didn’t engage the kids enough”. From this, you learn that a family has little tolerance for on-duty screen use, and that they require an au pair who will actively play with their children as opposed to a supervisor.
Remember, just because a family isn’t perfect, doesn’t mean they’ll make a bad match. Talking to a previous au pair will give you a better sense of the household atmosphere and what the kids’ needs are so that you can begin your year with realistic expectations. If they haven’t had an au pair, do your best to reach out to a babysitter or nanny. How the family treats these people will say a lot about them. If you’re lucky enough to talk to a former au pair, repay her for her help by sending her updates on the kids, pictures, videos (my successor sent me a video of the baby saying “I love you” and it made my week), and stories of your escapades. Good luck, and remember to ask lots of questions.
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